I left the office door op …
I left the office door open last night and my staff aren’t happy with me. I came in to a frosty reception this morning.
Continue ReadingWhoever says that pigs ca …
Whoever says that pigs cant fly. Have obviously not seen my wife skydiving.
Continue ReadingI hate living alone. I ha …
I hate living alone. I have to load the washing machine, do the washing up and hoover myself, and then a month later I have to do it all over again.
Continue ReadingAll the good puns about t …
All the good puns about the periodic table argon.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call people f …
What do you call people from Qatar? Qatarpillars
Continue ReadingWho’s the best golfer in …
Who’s the best golfer in Ireland? Bill O’Par.
Continue ReadingI’m going to kill all bac …
I’m going to kill all bachelors…every single one.
Continue ReadingConformity…. Everyone’s …
Conformity…. Everyone’s doing it!
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between your mum and a bag of apples? Your mum’s a slag.
Continue ReadingTwo women came before wis …
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword,” said […]
Continue ReadingWhat’s the point of rheto …
What’s the point of rhetorical questions? Yes.
Continue ReadingSmoking killed my grandad …
Smoking killed my grandad. One evening he lit up a cig in no man’s land and a sniper blew his head off.
Continue ReadingLast week in the News. AB …
Last week in the News. ABC News, at least 18 killed by Flash floods in the US. Today Sky News, 19 Killed by Flash floods in France. “Who’s this bloke called Flash, and how does he move around the world undetected? I’d like to shake his hand for a job well done.”
Continue ReadingHave you got any spare mo …
Have you got any spare money for the afghanistan heros charity? “Sorry mate ive only got shrapnel…”
Continue ReadingThe Gym A place for girl …
The Gym A place for girls to find strong bloke’s with big muscles. The Gym A place for men to find fat, chubby girls.
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