My friend said I didn’t u …
My friend said I didn’t understand how spoonerisms work I told him to Uck Foff
Continue ReadingWhy was the soldier pinne …
Why was the soldier pinned down? He was under a tack
Continue ReadingI told my girlfriend that …
I told my girlfriend that for our joint christmas present i think we should go and see europe,she seems far more excited than i thought,afterall the only song she knows is the final countdown..weird
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, a fly can’t bird.
Continue ReadingI have noticed that I’ve …
I have noticed that I’ve been feeling an overwhelming sense of resignation recently. Oh well, guess I’ll have to get used to it.
Continue ReadingI’d probably quit Oasis t …
I’d probably quit Oasis too if the slogan for my band was “for people who don’t like water.”
Continue ReadingI think i’ll try moonwalk …
I think i’ll try moonwalking the next time someone asks me to do a Michael Jackson impression……………. It didn’t go down very well with my wife’s mate when i dangled her baby over our balcony.
Continue ReadingI said to my new girlfrie …
I said to my new girlfriend, “I’ve got something to confess, I was in prison for murdering my ex wife with a 4 iron.” She looked at me in complete shock. I said, “I know what you’re thinking……Why the 4 iron?……..”
Continue ReadingI’ve gotta say, I really …
I’ve gotta say, I really enjoyed Bank Holiday Monday yesterday. Not sure if my boss did, though. He seems furious with me for some reason.
Continue ReadingI fell asleep in work tod …
I fell asleep in work today, and my boss found me. Instead of waking me up, he put a sticky note on my chest. It read, “As long as you’re asleep, you’ve got a job. But as soon as you wake up, you’re fired!”
Continue ReadingMPAA calls the internet g …
MPAA calls the internet going dark “An abuse of power” In related news, the Eye of Sauron acuses hobbits of terrorism.
Continue ReadingMy jokes are like my kids …
My jokes are like my kids…. Everyone knows that I stole them from someone else.
Continue ReadingEasiest job in the world …
Easiest job in the world – Muslim psychic “I’m getting an ‘M’…… Does the name ‘Mohammed’ mean anything to anyone in the room?”
Continue ReadingWife: Do you want dinner? …
Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, What are my choices? Wife: Yes and No
Continue ReadingMy mate has never broken …
My mate has never broken a promise for as long as I’ve known him. Mind you,he’s never made one either.
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