A man went to a library a …
A man went to a library and asked if there were any books on marriage. The librarian replies, “Yeah, it’s just up the aisle.”
Continue ReadingI often reminisce about a …
I often reminisce about adverbs, now and again.
Continue ReadingI’ve just spent last week …
I’ve just spent last week making a film about the best place to store beer. It’s in the can.
Continue ReadingSo you’re buying your bet …
So you’re buying your better half an anniversary present and you don’t want her to find out. Just turn on in-private browsing and get ripped in 4 weeks.
Continue ReadingIf your mother-in-law die …
If your mother-in-law dies just remember – the gathering that takes place after the burial is called ‘the wake.’ Not ‘the afterparty.’
Continue ReadingIf I don’t like the shape …
If I don’t like the shape of the swastika, does that make me anti-symmetric?
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “I need som …
My wife said, “I need some more Botox.” “Why?” I asked. “What’s up with the fat ones you’re sat on?”
Continue ReadingDilapidated: The ability …
Dilapidated: The ability to perform huge throw-ins.
Continue ReadingWhat appeared above the b …
What appeared above the bloke’s head who invented the lightbulb, a candle?
Continue ReadingI walked past a homeless …
I walked past a homeless man today and he asked me if I had any money on me. As it happens I had a tenner stuck to my forehead.
Continue ReadingI just bought a great DVD …
I just bought a great DVD/CD burner it’s great, just one small problem, it only burns Twilight DVDs or Justin Bieber CDs. However on the plus side, if I have a girl over, it also doubles as a fireplace.
Continue ReadingLying in bed last night w …
Lying in bed last night when my wife screamed I was an idiot, who needed go back to school. Seriously, I forgot to pick up our 8 year old son.
Continue ReadingA new pub has opened up d …
A new pub has opened up down the road from called The Prince Albert it’s full of studs
Continue ReadingI was given the death pen …
I was given the death penalty today. To be fair, it was probably only a free-kick.
Continue ReadingI met a missionary once. …
I met a missionary once. He said it was an interesting position.
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