I’m looking for an old ha …
I’m looking for an old hag on a broomstick that will tell me when to do things. Witch reminds me…
Continue ReadingI see you can now get a 1 …
I see you can now get a 100 on-the-spot fine if you’re caught undertaking. That’s the end of my funeral business.
Continue ReadingI keep getting an electri …
I keep getting an electric shock from my light switch. I can’t work out why, I just can’t put my finger on it.
Continue ReadingThat’s the last time I st …
That’s the last time I stay up late to make a rotisserie chicken with salad. I tossed and turned all night.
Continue ReadingWhen my friend got depres …
When my friend got depressed, he called me to say he was going to jump from a cliff…. That was when I knew, he’d hit rock bottom.
Continue ReadingBeauty is in the eye of t …
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder
Continue ReadingAs an athlete it is very …
As an athlete it is very important that I condition myself right for the up coming olympics. My hair is going to look amazing.
Continue ReadingA large steak just drove …
A large steak just drove past me. That’s rare.
Continue ReadingOne man’s junk is every o …
One man’s junk is every other man’s junk. The only difference is, somewhere along the line, One of those men will put that junk on eBay.
Continue ReadingYou know what they say: ” …
You know what they say: “Once you go black, your cancer is probably incurable.”
Continue ReadingContact lens wearers…. …
Contact lens wearers…. Keep your eyes snug and warm this winter by adding a few drops of chilli sauce to your cleaning solution.
Continue ReadingI bought a new book today …
I bought a new book today called “How to end your pet’s life with dignity” Even after I’d read it, I just couldn’t put it down.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a colour …
What do you call a colour blind butcher? Graham
Continue ReadingI went to a physics lectu …
I went to a physics lecture today where we were taught about how to make an interference pattern with light using Young’s slits, which, coincidentally, is almost exactly what I was searching for on google last night.
Continue ReadingSerial Rapists. That’s no …
Serial Rapists. That’s not milk on your Cheerios.
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