As I sat there in court w …
As I sat there in court with my solicitor nervously biting my finger nails, I looked at him and said, “Can you stop doing that to my finger nails please?”
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a spider …
What do you call a spider with no legs? A currant.
Continue ReadingHave you ever punched a n …
Have you ever punched a nun in the gut and found yourself thinking: “Maybe I over-reacted…”
Continue ReadingSomeone at work has stole …
Someone at work has stolen my Crimestoppers promotional pen I don’t know who to ring about it!
Continue ReadingA couple of geologist gro …
A couple of geologist groups in my town have started fighting over how much a cliff has receded in the last year It’s a war of attrition
Continue ReadingChildline really needs to …
Childline really needs to be renamed….. I rang them and ordered 3 but instead a van full of Police officers turned up???
Continue ReadingI was trying and failing …
I was trying and failing to do my Maths coursework today I had to use a matrix to solve an equation, but there was just no use. I knew I shouldn’t have taken the blue pill last night
Continue ReadingDon’t like yeast? Rise ab …
Don’t like yeast? Rise above it.
Continue ReadingA group of paralysed musi …
A group of paralysed musicians have formed a heavy metal band… It’s called Spinal Snap.
Continue ReadingA computer geek comes bac …
A computer geek comes back to hotel reception with the key from room 404 and says: ‘Room not found’.
Continue ReadingFrench baths are the bain …
French baths are the bain of my life.
Continue ReadingIs that a tic tac in your …
Is that a tic tac in your knickers or are you happy to see me?
Continue ReadingDo you know how annoying …
Do you know how annoying it is when people answer their own questions? Very.
Continue ReadingI’ve had my gun holder li …
I’ve had my gun holder lined to match our new three piece suite. It’s been reupholstered.
Continue ReadingI taught a Dalmatian to r …
I taught a Dalmatian to ride a bike! He was spot on.
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