“Ill only invest in someo …
“Ill only invest in someones future when they have one” Thanks mum
Continue ReadingA lorry driver is in a ca …
A lorry driver is in a cafe having a fry-up when four mean motorcycle gang members walk in. They walk over to the man and begin slappin him round then the rub the fried egg in his face and pour the beans on his head. The guy gets up pays for his breakfast and leaves. […]
Continue ReadingWish people would stop se …
Wish people would stop sending me cards today explaining how they feel about me . . . Or death threats and hate mail as its usually called.
Continue ReadingTo be successful you have …
To be successful you have to smile, look amused and make a series of ‘ha!’ sounds. Do that, and you’re laughing.
Continue ReadingThe other day, my neighbo …
The other day, my neighbour’s son lost all his fingers in a tragic accident, i felt so sorry for him i went out and bought him an Ipod touch.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s going through a …
My mate’s going through a rough time at the moment because of personal issues and I think it’s messing up his head, because he was talking to me about it all, then suddenly changed the subject. He said: ‘First my mum slips on the ice and paralyses herself, then my daughter gets diagnosed with cancer, […]
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend threatened …
My girlfriend threatened to leave me because of my obsession with Clint Eastwood. “Go ahead,” I said, “make my day.”
Continue ReadingA red sky at night is a s …
A red sky at night is a shepherds delight. But in Newport it means your car is probably on fire.
Continue ReadingI don’t know why my child …
I don’t know why my children hate bubbles so much. I only took them to the neverland ranch once.
Continue ReadingI’m the type of guy who p …
I’m the type of guy who puts the poo in swimming pool.
Continue ReadingI’ve got this new job, fi …
I’ve got this new job, fitting parts to sinks. To be honest, I’m not very good at it, but I’ll keep plugging away.
Continue ReadingAlphabetti Spaghetti not …
Alphabetti Spaghetti not geeky enough? Simply mix regular tinned Spaghetti and Hoops together for exciting Binary Spaghetti.
Continue ReadingMy wife was born with a s …
My wife was born with a strange disease that has left her completely numb from her waist down. For me it’s always put a huge strain on our love life. She doesn’t know how hard it is.
Continue ReadingMy Mom went and told me t …
My Mom went and told me to follow my dreams, So I went and followed Megan Fox on Twitter.
Continue ReadingMy parents always told to …
My parents always told to live each day as if it were my last. Now I walk around in constant fear of dying. Cheers mum and dad.
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