My missus is always drivi …
My missus is always driving me round the bend. One day she’ll learn how to use roundabouts properly.
Continue ReadingI saw this lad the other …
I saw this lad the other day who’d been painted green, and had antenae stuck to the top of his head. Apparently, his friends were trying to alienate him.
Continue ReadingI turned up late for work …
I turned up late for work yesterday. “What time do you call this?” My boss screamed. “I’m here now aren’t I?,” I replied. “I got stuck in traffic.” “You live down the road,” he shouted. “And we finish in 10 minutes.”
Continue ReadingNo matter which channel I …
No matter which channel I switch to, the Swedish Chef is on all of them. I think my TV’s borken.
Continue ReadingMy six-year-old daughter …
My six-year-old daughter is dependent on heroin. If I don’t sell enough of it then she doesn’t get fed.
Continue ReadingI’ve heard that being eat …
I’ve heard that being eaten by a crocodile is just like falling asleep. In a blender.
Continue ReadingMy mate is a virgin with …
My mate is a virgin with Syphilis. Is that a Poxymoron?
Continue ReadingI can’t make any sense of …
I can’t make any sense of cannibalism among the Vietnamese. It’s all gobble-the-gook to me.
Continue ReadingI am busy reading a new d …
I am busy reading a new dictionary. To be fair, it’s not much different to the first one I read.
Continue ReadingI feel terrible an old wo …
I feel terrible an old woman just stepped out in front of my car and I hit her, its probably going to cost over hundred pounds to get a new headlamp.
Continue ReadingThe fat missus has starte …
The fat missus has started getting a bit of pride in herself lately. Well, she’s started eating lion bars.
Continue ReadingIf Mary has 4 bananas, Pa …
If Mary has 4 bananas, Paul has 8 oranges and Tariq has 2 Apples… How spoilt is Tariq.
Continue ReadingI’m going to try and get …
I’m going to try and get a conversion kick and a penalty goal in the upcoming rugby match. Might not make it, but it’s worth a try.
Continue ReadingI’m in a band called Meta …
I’m in a band called Metamorphic… We’re a rock group.
Continue Readingjust started my new job a …
just started my new job as a vision clarity technician. well, i say that, i am more of a window cleaner..
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