I tried to build a house …
I tried to build a house out of walnuts, but it turns out you also need floornuts and roofnuts
Continue ReadingI started reading a book …
I started reading a book about a giant dog with super powers. It’s basically impossible to put down.
Continue ReadingMe and my girlfriend have …
Me and my girlfriend have the same shoe size. We’re sole-mates.
Continue ReadingPolar bear kills British …
Polar bear kills British teen in Norway Before you all go making sick jokes, just paws for thought.
Continue ReadingIt’s strange that 75% of …
It’s strange that 75% of all car accidents are caused by women, when the wheel isn’t on their side of the car.
Continue ReadingYesterday was my birthday …
Yesterday was my birthday. Doctors are stunned by the fact that I can speak and type being only a day old.
Continue ReadingAfter changing my intervi …
After changing my interview technique, I’m confident this morning’s meeting will result in a job. I lied about everything.
Continue ReadingMy friends told me to cha …
My friends told me to change my Facebook language to Pirate “It’s hilarious!” they say. I just don’t get it though. I can’t read Somalian.
Continue ReadingI just drank some wkd wit …
I just drank some wkd with ice in it. It was wicked.
Continue ReadingEngland Manager Fabio Cap …
England Manager Fabio Capello should be sponsored by Odor-Eaters… …He’s also an expert at masking the smell of defeat.
Continue ReadingI used to be a necrophili …
I used to be a necrophiliac, but gave it up when it got boring. I’d done it to death.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently been buying …
I’ve recently been buying loads of umbrellas and water-proof jackets. I’m going to save them for a rainy day.
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Facebook: 5 th …
BBC News: “Facebook: 5 things to avoid” What are the other 4?
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend was unhappy …
My girlfriend was unhappy with the way I dumped her yesterday. It’s her fault for running at me with a rugby ball.
Continue Reading2011 has been a disaster …
2011 has been a disaster for me so far. I’ve gone from a pretty decent salary to travelling miles and miles in search of temporary employment. I finally found someone to take me on but it’s at more than a 55% pay-cut. On top of all this my Missus has just told me she pregnant […]
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