My parents were dog stylists before they started traveling the world preaching the word of God. As a child, it was always difficult explaining to people that my folks were into doggiestyle BEFORE the missionary position.
Continue ReadingStatement from Barack obama The soldier acted alone and in no way shape or form can 1 man represent A countries views or ways of life! Except bin laden, He represents the whole of the middle east.
Continue ReadingI took part in Comic Relief tonight. I got a handjob off a clown.
Continue ReadingMy baby girl just wrote cnvorestaion with her letter blocks …I think she was trying to make conversation.
Continue ReadingI’m not into gyms, my philosophy, no pain….no pain.
Continue ReadingIn view of the upcoming para- olympics, I’m thinking of forming a new sports equipment company, I’m gonna call it spazenger.
Continue ReadingI sold some odds and ends on eBay the other day to the Pope. I knew it was him, because he used his papal account.
Continue ReadingMy mate was very disappointed with his stag party, he asked for a night full of fit birds. Apparently the 2011 Doncaster pigeon race wasn’t what he had in mind…
Continue ReadingA cannibal gets fed up with his wife and decides to kill her and serve her to the rest of the family, leaving them unaware it is their mum they are eating. They are all enjoying the dinner when the daughter turns to the father and says, “This is lovely, dad. What is it?” “Your […]
Continue ReadingALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILE Unless you own a Toyota in which case you’ll just keep going until the petrol runs out.
Continue ReadingVideo games messed up my son’s head. I think I may have hit him a bit too hard with them.
Continue ReadingKnowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
Continue ReadingI think they should get Adele to play at Bin Laden’s funeral. Just to make sure that it’s really over.
Continue ReadingWhenever I hear people say “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never harm me.” I always think “Sticks?”
Continue ReadingWe’re FIFA, and no technology was our idea!
Continue Reading