Today just isn’t my day.. Just before, I was in our room doing some work on the computer, and i accidentally knocked my pen off the desk and, as clumsy as I am, I banged my nose on the drawer. It was bleeding A LOT, so I grabbed the nearest piece of cloth to stop […]
Continue ReadingI went to the hairdressers yesterday and asked for a Number 2 all over. So he shat on my head.
Continue ReadingI was in McDonald’s yesterday when this big bloke who must have been about 7ft walked in and asked for a cheeseburger. I thought to myself, “That’s a tall order.”
Continue ReadingI just read that over 1 billion train journeys were made in the UK last year. Probably made by just one guy trying to get from Birmingham to London.
Continue ReadingWhen I asked my Dad what he wanted for Father’s Day he pulled himself up in his hospital bed and whispered, “Son, I know it’s a big ask, but the one thing you could give me is a kidney.” “Not a problem,” I replied without hesitation. “You know I’d do anything for you”. “Bless you […]
Continue ReadingI’m so diabetic I can’t even talk to lollipop ladies.
Continue ReadingMy Christian friend has the nerve to tell me the Harry Potter books are far fetched. He says he hates fiction books about magic, virgins, ghosts and a man who can’t die.
Continue ReadingFashion designer John Galliano was devastated to be sacked from Christian Dior. He is said to be much happier today after getting a new job making fancy dress outfits for Prince Harry and a range of new clothing for Mel Gibson
Continue ReadingBBC News – “Baby Killer’s Sentence Increased” If he’s killing as a baby, I’m predicting genocide by the time he’s 20.
Continue Reading..’and the truth shall set you free…’ – unless you really did kill them..
Continue ReadingI was trying to withdraw some money from a cash point, but the machine kept saying “not valid”. I looked at my card and thought, “This is unacceptable”
Continue ReadingDon’t you just hate it when you’re clothes shopping on the Internet and you see something you like only to find on closer inspection it’s for women. It was such a nice bikini.
Continue ReadingI don’t know why, but on the London underground all the dogs seem to have pet tramps.
Continue ReadingMicrosoft have just introduced a new Internet search engine for alcoholics .. It’s called gargle.
Continue ReadingI walked past some joggers in the park today. They weren’t very fast.
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