BBC NEWS:”Secure hospital …
BBC NEWS:”Secure hospital ‘was left unlocked’ ” So its not secure then?
Continue ReadingMy Dad used to tell me ‘Q …
My Dad used to tell me ‘Quitters never win’ Thanks to him I now have a restraining order.
Continue ReadingI was reading an article …
I was reading an article the other day that was about a bloke who had his artificial legs stolen along with his car. He was gutted because now he wouldn’t be able to walk his sister down the aisle. I wouldn’t be too worried, everyone ends up legless at a wedding
Continue ReadingI’ve got an armpit, Cant …
I’ve got an armpit, Cant wait to fill it with arms.
Continue ReadingMy mate reckons I never p …
My mate reckons I never pick up on his use of hyperbole. Well that’s an understatement.
Continue ReadingThere is no such thing as …
There is no such thing as automatic doors. Just gentleman ninjas.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife opened a …
Me and the wife opened a real can of worms earlier. I think it’s safe to say that’s the last time we’ll shop at Netto.
Continue ReadingIf it wasn’t for blinds i …
If it wasn’t for blinds it would be curtains for all of us.
Continue ReadingCan anyone recommend me a …
Can anyone recommend me a good search engine? I would search a search engine for a good search engine but I don’t know a good search engine.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe the price …
I can’t believe the price of bubblewrap now days. Five quid a pop.
Continue ReadingI lost my job today after …
I lost my job today after taking a partridge, a rabbit and a pheasant to work. Apparently that wasn’t what my boss meant when he asked me to come up with a game plan.
Continue ReadingMy brother said out loud …
My brother said out loud that I have an overly developed imagination, all of my family laughed. They won’t be laughing when I set Ryan on them. Ryan’s my pet kraken.
Continue ReadingI hate people who repeat …
I hate people who repeat themselves. Those who say the same thing twice annoy me too.
Continue ReadingI was chatting to a huge …
I was chatting to a huge fat bird with tattoos in the pub last night. At the end of the evening I said, “Do you fancy a little walk back to my house?” She grabbed her coat and said, “Yeah, come on then.” After a 15 minute walk we reached my front door and I […]
Continue ReadingThree Chinese brothers, B …
Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.
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