BBC News: UK Families Tra …
BBC News: UK Families Travel Hundreds Of Miles A Year With Day Trips For Kids Say what you like about Josef Fritzl. At least he had a low carbon footprint.
Continue ReadingBob goes to the dog’s hom …
Bob goes to the dog’s home and asks the guy in charge: “That big Alsatian there looks friendly, but does he like small children?” “He loves ’em,” says the guy, “but it’d be a lot cheaper to buy him proper dog food.”
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me why my c …
My mate asked me why my children always blame it on someone else. I said, “I’m not sure, they must get it from their mother.”
Continue ReadingMy father dedicated his l …
My father dedicated his life to get rid of annoying churches in neighbourhoods across the world. He won a No Bell peace prize.
Continue ReadingI walked downstairs this …
I walked downstairs this morning to find an obese monk meditating in the middle of my kitchen. “What on Earth’s this?!” I asked my wife, utterly perplexed. “Well,” she said. “You did say we should get a deep, fat Friar.”
Continue ReadingI recently took over a re …
I recently took over a remote african tribes football team to try and improve there fortunes. Its not going to be an easy task though. There’s a lot of clicks.
Continue ReadingI bought my wife a presen …
I bought my wife a present to make up over the black eye I gave her. Mascara.
Continue ReadingJust saw a German philoso …
Just saw a German philosopher out buying fruit. Pretty sure I’ve spotted a Nietzsche in the market.
Continue ReadingScientists say the univer …
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
Continue ReadingIs it just me who wants t …
Is it just me who wants to see the “How It’s Made” episode on Adidas trainers?
Continue ReadingNews: Man critical after …
News: Man critical after shooting He says he shouldn’t have done it.
Continue ReadingThose Red Hot Chili Peppe …
Those Red Hot Chili Peppers are way past their sell-by date.
Continue Reading“thatcher taken to hospit …
“thatcher taken to hospital” Let’s hope it’s just a miner problem
Continue ReadingTip of the day. Two piece …
Tip of the day. Two pieces of penne pasta stuck together make ideal binoculars for your pet Hamster.
Continue ReadingI went for a CAT scan ear …
I went for a CAT scan earlier. I’m now being prosecuted by the RSPCA and banned from the library for the misuse of their photocopier.
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