I was shocked today when …
I was shocked today when I was unable to complete my daily crossword puzzle. I was lost for words.
Continue ReadingI was talking to my frien …
I was talking to my friend when I told him, “When I was born I was left on the doorstep of a little cottage with a note attached to me.” He said, “What did the note say?” “I don’t know.” I replied, “I was too young to read.”
Continue ReadingThe ref gave me a booking …
The ref gave me a booking today. Left some pretty bad bruises, especially when he used the novels.
Continue ReadingAn army sergeant went to …
An army sergeant went to sit down and eat with his men and saw one of his men wasn’t eating his soup, he asked if he could have it. The soldier replied “Of course sir” After the sergeant had nearly finished his soup, he saw a dead rat at the bottom and vomited all the […]
Continue Readingthere’s a blonde, a brune …
there’s a blonde, a brunette and a ginger. they have been asked to swim the english channel. the ginger swims an eighth the way and swims back. the brunette swims a quarter the way and swims back. the blonde swam half the way and swam back.
Continue ReadingAs a practical joke at wo …
As a practical joke at work, I was covered in Tip-Ex and my chair had been stolen. I accused my boss but it wasn’t him. I stand corrected.
Continue ReadingA new treatment is being …
A new treatment is being tested that breaks down amyloids in the brain, the thing that causes Alzheimers. If it works, we can forget about Alzheimers.
Continue Reading“I graduated from Cambrid …
“I graduated from Cambridge wath a masters degree in arts…………..would you like fries with that sir?”
Continue ReadingVimto. The only drink to …
Vimto. The only drink to be an anagram of what it smells like.
Continue ReadingWhen someone challenges m …
When someone challenges me to a snowball fight at christmas, I always drink it before I throw the bottle at them.
Continue ReadingI was the 6th horseman of …
I was the 6th horseman of the apocolypse, but I left before they became famous.
Continue ReadingIf you want to keep the l …
If you want to keep the level of dust down in a room, you can’t beat a carpet.
Continue ReadingI remember the shouts of …
I remember the shouts of “SCAB!” as my father went to work. “SCAB!” they would shout during the great dermatologists strike…
Continue ReadingJust been to Greenwich in …
Just been to Greenwich in London. Had a mean time.
Continue ReadingIt would be just like me …
It would be just like me to clone myself.
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