I just checked the clock …
I just checked the clock but it said 4:04 ‘Time not found’
Continue ReadingI just realised flammable …
I just realised flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. That’s teresting.
Continue ReadingI think John Terry should …
I think John Terry should get more respect he is a good player. And apparently he is quite good at football too
Continue ReadingMy neighbour has built a …
My neighbour has built a ten foot wall to stop me perving on his daughter. I can’t get over it.
Continue ReadingBald people face discrimi …
Bald people face discrimination. One guy told me he “can’t help my kind,” and asked me to leave his shop! He was an awful barber anyway.
Continue ReadingIt’s things like calling …
It’s things like calling me a ‘compulsive liar’ which forced me to kill myself.
Continue ReadingWhy do packets of crisps …
Why do packets of crisps in multipack bags have “not to be sold separately” on and a barcode?
Continue ReadingEarlier when I was sat ea …
Earlier when I was sat eating a bowl of Coco-pops on the toilet, I couldn’t help but wonder; What goes on in that bowl?
Continue ReadingI’ve tried everything I c …
I’ve tried everything I can think of to win back my wife. Monopoly, darts, even Rock, Paper, Scissors. I probably shouldn’t have wagered her in that card game in the first place.
Continue ReadingIt’s funny how you never …
It’s funny how you never see Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Roy Keane in the same room?
Continue ReadingWanted to sue the manufac …
Wanted to sue the manufacturers of my two-legged tripod, but I was told it’d never stand up in court.
Continue ReadingSince I lost my job, the …
Since I lost my job, the wife’s been on at me every day ..’You just sit there all day doing your boring stuff and all the time the garden just gets worse and worse’… Boy is she going to change her tune when we strike oil.
Continue Reading“Yes! Faster! Faster!” “I …
“Yes! Faster! Faster!” “In the mouth! Quick!” “Just watching makes me wanna suck something!” Just another day at the apple bobbing championships.
Continue ReadingI’m going to make a fortu …
I’m going to make a fortune making posh hats. This time next month, I’ll be a milliner.
Continue ReadingI found a poo stain in my …
I found a poo stain in my boxers tonight. It’s fairly standard when you buy underwear from a charity shop.
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