Old lady goes to the dent …
Old lady goes to the dentist, sits on the chair, lowers her panties and lifts her legs up. Dentist says “I’m not a Gynaecologist.” “I know,” she says “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”
Continue ReadingWhat do you get from a ne …
What do you get from a nervous cow? Milkshakes.
Continue ReadingI had a flute recital tod …
I had a flute recital today. I blew it.
Continue ReadingMy dog’s getting slow in …
My dog’s getting slow in his old age. He’s just brought me yesterdays newspaper.
Continue ReadingWho is Mel London and why …
Who is Mel London and why do I have to Rim her?
Continue ReadingI bought a black cab, it’ …
I bought a black cab, it’s such a friendly car. Everywhere I drive people wave at me.
Continue ReadingI have an S&M kit. It’s b …
I have an S&M kit. It’s brand spanking new.
Continue ReadingPolice have just named th …
Police have just named the poor woman killed in Tenerife. Edna Moore
Continue ReadingI asked my girlfriend las …
I asked my girlfriend last night what she wanted for Valentine’s Day. “Something shiny and fast that goes from 0-60 in five seconds would be nice,” she replied. So I’ve bought her a car roof.
Continue ReadingStatistically, 2 out of 1 …
Statistically, 2 out of 1 people are siamese twins.
Continue ReadingThe wife thought it was c …
The wife thought it was cruel of me to wake the kids so early and make them watch the cricket. But it’s just so cool the way it’s sliding down the tarantula’s throat.
Continue ReadingThink I’m onto a real win …
Think I’m onto a real winner with my latest invention, herb and spice dumbbells specifically for women. Thyme weights for no man.
Continue ReadingI was driving past a scho …
I was driving past a school during a driving lesson when my instructor said, “Don’t go over 15” I said, “I won’t, there’s only one in the road”.
Continue ReadingSurely the term ‘prematur …
Surely the term ‘premature death’ is one of the most pointless ever made. Seeing as no one is going to want to die when they actually do, aren’t all death are therefore premature?
Continue ReadingBRB. I’m not really going …
BRB. I’m not really going anywhere but neither is this conversation.
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