I just got back from a co …
I just got back from a conference about statistics,it was average.
Continue ReadingEnergy efficient windows, …
Energy efficient windows, No pane, No gain.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get if you cr …
What do you get if you cross a cat and a mouse? Just a cat
Continue ReadingWhat’s grey and comes in …
What’s grey and comes in pints? An elephant.
Continue ReadingDue to falling profits th …
Due to falling profits the company Fairy has gone into Liquidation.
Continue ReadingThe night before last the …
The night before last the wife fell asleep in the bath and left the hot water running. It’s a good job she had her mouth open or else the tub would have overflowed.
Continue ReadingThe doctor asked me if I …
The doctor asked me if I ever got lonely, I said “No, don’t be silly” After that I got bored playing hospital, and put my dolls away…
Continue ReadingMy mate said “Watch me fl …
My mate said “Watch me fly, I’m a pigeon” and jumped off the roof. As he slammed into the ground I thought “You no pigeon, you just dove”.
Continue ReadingI’m 18, after leaving sch …
I’m 18, after leaving school and don’t know what to do next. My mum suggested I take a year off. So I’m 17 again.
Continue Reading“I’m just going to lay th …
“I’m just going to lay the dining room table,” I said to my wife. “OK,” she said, “I’ll go and straddle the tumble drier for 10 minutes.”
Continue ReadingI’d give my right arm to …
I’d give my right arm to play the guitar like Jimi Hendrix.
Continue ReadingI keep making fabric rela …
I keep making fabric related jokes around my friend to see if he notices. He still hasn’t cottoned on.
Continue ReadingMy wife and her sister ar …
My wife and her sister are twins and look alike in almost every way. Her sister lives with us. One time I came home from work to find her in the shower so I got undressed got into the shower with her, started touching her and said, “How about some quiet one-on-one time without your […]
Continue ReadingI went to Kwik-Fit today …
I went to Kwik-Fit today to get the tracking done on my car. I was very disappointed. Turns out they could not play piano, speak Korean, knock out children OR do ventriliquism.
Continue ReadingI just bought a straight …
I just bought a straight piece of plastic. It rules.
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