I keep seeing Facebook st …
I keep seeing Facebook statuses like ‘8 – 2? Are you serious?’ The answer’s 6, it’s not that difficult
Continue ReadingI’ve just heard they’re r …
I’ve just heard they’re remaking the fourth Damien film. That’s not a good Omen.
Continue ReadingThe first white lie? “No, …
The first white lie? “No, of course we won’t treat you like slaves.”
Continue ReadingI am being forced to flee …
I am being forced to flee the country The farmers are out to get me
Continue ReadingMy wife just said to me, …
My wife just said to me, “I was worried the mechanic was going to rip me off but it was okay, all I needed was indicator fluid.”
Continue ReadingTalking to my unsupportiv …
Talking to my unsupportive dad the other day, he said “Do you know what the best thing about being your father is?” and with high hopes of geting praise for the first time i excitedly said “what dad?” “going to work” he replied
Continue ReadingThis year, I was determin …
This year, I was determined to start the summer with a body I wouldn’t be ashamed of at the beach, so I lowered my standards.
Continue Reading“So little johnny, what d …
“So little johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?” “I’m gonna follow my dads footsteps & be a policeman” “Ohhhh, is your dad a policeman then?” “No, he’s a bank robber”
Continue ReadingI was asked to answer the …
I was asked to answer the following question: “Which word contains as many consonants and as few vowels as possible?” I had to use strength for that one.
Continue ReadingNo one likes a show off. …
No one likes a show off. I’d kill them all with my bare hands.
Continue ReadingSky news – ‘Fighting Focu …
Sky news – ‘Fighting Focuses On Gaddafi’s Home Town’ I never knew Ford made transformers…
Continue ReadingMy mum told me that somet …
My mum told me that sometimes people attempt suicide as a cry for help. So when I got stuck on my maths homework I threw myself in front of a train.
Continue ReadingIt’s funny how the majori …
It’s funny how the majority of people that sell Pirate DVDs have a dodgy eye, one hand and a gammy leg.
Continue ReadingMy mate told me I shouldn …
My mate told me I shouldn’t talk to my dog like he’s a person, or “he might get the wrong idea”. So I told him that if he’s capable of having these kind of ideas then he deserves to be spoken to like a person, thus creating a paradox.
Continue ReadingI bought a DVD last night …
I bought a DVD last night, it was so blurry I had to watch it with one eye closed… It must be a Pirate.
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