News: ‘Ford Transit with …
News: ‘Ford Transit with gold encrusted seats stolen’ Police believe the robber had an interior motive.
Continue ReadingMy father gave me some ad …
My father gave me some advice. He said: “If you keep running away from the things you’re bad at, you’ll never be good at anything.” …Except running
Continue ReadingI’m going to open a bar c …
I’m going to open a bar called Rapunzels. That way the ladies can really let their hair down.
Continue ReadingShoppers; save cash when …
Shoppers; save cash when buying apples in the supermarket by removing the stalks to reduce the weight. You’ll be smiling all the way to the checkout on your 176th visit as you effectively claim your free apple.
Continue ReadingMy dad says that he hates …
My dad says that he hates the blacks. I’m inclined to agree. They’re so unpopular, sometimes I don’t know why Maynards just remove them from the packet completely.
Continue ReadingI tried this new reggae r …
I tried this new reggae reggae hair dye yesterday. I wouldn’t recommend it though, you can still see my roots.
Continue ReadingIts fun adding famous peo …
Its fun adding famous people as friends on Facebook. The other day my status was “Jews are cheap” – Hitler likes this.
Continue ReadingI’m in trouble with the R …
I’m in trouble with the RSPCA…turns out in reality, The Shredder beats The Turtles.
Continue ReadingIf a fat kid falls over i …
If a fat kid falls over in the forest but there is no one around to hear them cry, is it still funny?.
Continue ReadingYesterday, I bought 10 pa …
Yesterday, I bought 10 pairs of socks for 1. Greatest bargain I’ve ever come across.
Continue ReadingI came from a very poor f …
I came from a very poor family of five children.We all used to sleep in the same bed. In fact,I never slept alone until I got married.
Continue ReadingI’m not doing Christmas t …
I’m not doing Christmas this year, I’m doing her sister Amelia…
Continue ReadingOf my two ex-wives, the o …
Of my two ex-wives, the one I hate the most was the one who left me for another women. I think of her as the lezza of two evils.
Continue ReadingI’ve got a spring in my s …
I’ve got a spring in my step. Don’t walk barefoot through the slinky factory.
Continue ReadingI went up to a fit brunet …
I went up to a fit brunette in a pub and said, “I can’t wait until our date!” She said, “What date?!” I said, “Make it Friday.”
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