My mate has started absei …
My mate has started abseiling naked for charity. I don’t think I could ever lower myself like that.
Continue ReadingA copper pulled me over i …
A copper pulled me over in my car today, for speeding. ‘And what do you do for a living? Racing Driver?’ he said, sarcastically. ‘No..’ I said, ‘I’m a Philosopher’. ‘Oh really. And where are you going?’ ‘Sorry officer, but no man knows his own destiny.’ I replied.
Continue ReadingI saw a missing dog poste …
I saw a missing dog poster on a tree today. So I wrote on it, “I ran over him.”
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the dy …
Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He ate Brian.
Continue ReadingThere is one key differen …
There is one key difference between a single lock and a double lock.
Continue ReadingI just sat my Higher math …
I just sat my Higher maths exam today. It was more confusing than a police line-up in Beijing.
Continue ReadingBallistophobia – Fear of …
Ballistophobia – Fear of missiles or bullets… Has there ever been a more pointless word?
Continue ReadingIt’s simple: you’re eithe …
It’s simple: you’re either in favour of false dichotomies, or you’re a paedophile.
Continue ReadingWhy does dr pepper come i …
Why does dr pepper come in a bottle? Because he doesn’t have a girlfriend
Continue ReadingI’ve just taken up fly fi …
I’ve just taken up fly fishing. I’m not very good, I think I need a bigger mosquito net.
Continue ReadingThis “exercise” thing is …
This “exercise” thing is a lot easier than I thought. I’ve been sitting up all afternoon and I’m still not tired.
Continue ReadingOne good turn will get yo …
One good turn will get you……………….most of the blankets
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between winning the lottery and doing the weekly shop at Waitrose? About a tenner.
Continue ReadingMcDonald’s have announced …
McDonald’s have announced they are to release the ‘MJburger’. It’s going to contain 50 year old meat between 10 year old meat.
Continue ReadingMy Spidey senses are ting …
My Spidey senses are tingling. No wait; that’s my mobile on vibrate.
Continue Reading