I would learn to play gui …
I would learn to play guitar, but there are too many strings attached.
Continue ReadingI lend people money if th …
I lend people money if they agree to be my friend. I’m a bit of a loaner.
Continue ReadingI have spent the last few …
I have spent the last few days in Amersham, a town in Buckinghamshire and had a great time. It’s just like Amsterdam, only with less STDs.
Continue ReadingDon’t forget that the clo …
Don’t forget that the clocks go forward continuously.
Continue ReadingIt was only when I woke u …
It was only when I woke up inside a coffin under 6ft of soil that I realised I was in grave danger.
Continue ReadingMy mate told me he’s been …
My mate told me he’s been beating up sea fish….. sounds like cods-wallop to me
Continue ReadingI’ve been spending too mu …
I’ve been spending too much time on the computer and I think there’s a chance the constant slouching could lead to back pain. But ah well, it’s just a hunch.
Continue ReadingPeople who don’t smile in …
People who don’t smile into mirrors are generally frowned upon.
Continue ReadingI’ve got a new job sellin …
I’ve got a new job selling mansized Kleenex on the high street. The sales pitch is easy. “Big Tissue!”
Continue ReadingSeeing as it’s Comic Reli …
Seeing as it’s Comic Relief tonight, i thought i’d do something for money. I’m going to work.
Continue ReadingA naked man told me I’m g …
A naked man told me I’m going to die tomorrow It was a stark warning
Continue ReadingI have successfully made …
I have successfully made a group of lemurs brain-damaged. The plot thickens.
Continue ReadingI was looking at my wife …
I was looking at my wife naked the other day when I thought “why am I naked?”
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny turns to hi …
Little Johnny turns to his mum an says: “When you found out you were pregnant what did you want me to be?” “Stillborn”
Continue ReadingBlind drawing, I can’t se …
Blind drawing, I can’t see myself doing it.
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