Category: work

When I went to see my Careers officer at school, he told me that I lacked any job skills or people skills and would struggle to achieve anything. I became a Careers officer.

Just had a new bloke start in our office at work, the annoying thing is he is black….. there goes our lunch time banter!

My boss called me today to say I was losing my post at the sorting office. I thought I hadn’t been getting much recently.

I can remember my teacher telling me, I wouldn’t amount to anything if I carried on with my compulsive lying. Proved him wrong, I got a job as a Weatherman.

I’m planning a remake of ‘The Never Ending story’. It starts with me asking my wife, “How was work?”

Someone once asked me how long I’d been a roadie. I said, “One, Two… One, Two, Three years now”

I need a ladder but I can’t afford one. So, steps will have to be taken.

I’ve just spent over an hour queuing in the Job centre, Apparently they’re understaffed!

My business has been going downhill recently, so i had to have a meeting with my bank manager. He said my company would have to be liquidated. I thought to myself ‘hes winding me up’.

I can’t wait for tomorrow. It’s come to work in a bra and knickers day. Well, that’s what we’ve told the apprentice.

I’ve had the same job for 10 years now. I really enjoy it but I only take home 12k a year for my family to survive on. I blow the other 38k on drugs and hookers.

“Boss, you have to raise my salary” “And why is that?” “Three other companies are interested in me already!” “Oh, which ones?” “BT, British Gas, and Thames Water”

I got a promotion today by simply attaching a mirror to my back. Apparently my boss could see himself in me.

Thank you so much Sickipedia. Thanks to this amazing site, my employer has just awarded me with a formal warning.

What do you call a bunch of black guys on an oil drilling platform? Riggers.