Category: work

People are often impressed when I tell them I’m the chairman of a successful IT company. And they should be, if I don’t stack them on the tables the cleaner can’t wash the carpet.

I’m getting bored sitting around all day watching UK gold. I thought being a guard at the Bank Of England would be more exciting.

I was at the end of a pretty long job interview when the interviewer said, “Well, I think thats all, do you have questions for me?” I thought for a second then asked, “Whats the capital of Poland?”

My girlfriend left me because I told her my work was more important than her. I’m unemployed.

I did some odd jobs around the house today. I vacuumed the ceiling, painted the oven and built a new door-way.

‘Djeez, what a small office you have, dad’, my son said when he visited me at work. ‘Shut up, fool’, I said, ‘I’m taking a dump’

Some bloke lost his job at the Coleman’s factory. He just didn’t cut the mustard.

Sometimes, I put clothes in the wash that I never wear. I like to give my washing machine a break from the monotony, like a little holiday.

I’m at the greatest risk of losing my job now then ever before. Not because of the economy. My new boss walks with a really soft step.

I’ve quit working the night shift at the road cone factory.. Just couldn’t see the point….

My boss called me into his office “why do i hear you talking when there is still work to be done” he shouted i said “because you have ears”

Boss: “I’m concerned about your drinking problem.” Me: “I’m concerned about my job problems. That’s why I drink.”

Just got fired from work today, Apparently me and my boss have very different perceptions of the term: “Show me what you’re made of”.

Today I told my boss if he didn’t give me a pay rise I was going to strike. He started, “I’m sorry but in the current economic crisis we simply cannot…” Then I struck him.

Tip: When your boss says to you “Do you know how I got to where I am today?” Dont say ” Your mum got drunk one night in a bar and could not afford an abortion?”