Category: work

I just got fired from my job at the abattoir. Apparently I took too much pleasure in killing small defenceless animals. So I got a new job in a Bradford abortion clinic.

I got fired today for congratulating my boss for ‘backing the beard’ for England. She didn’t find it as funny as I did.

All work and no play makes Jack, A valuable member of society.

Finally, my Plumbing business is getting really busy… It’s all cisterns go.

Managed to get rid of my mean boss yesterday after he had a heart attack in the office. If only he’d allowed personal calls on company time, I’d have phoned him an ambulance.

Hmm… Revising… There’s quite a bit to learn in Biology… But that’s life, I guess…

Hard work never killed anyone. Except for all those people who died doing the job they loved.

I put a job vacancy on my Facebook homepage as a joke. Poland liked it.

I’ve just started a new job, and already I’ve set myself a new target. The Paki kid in accounts.

I think my friend has done far too many drugs. He’s just sent his CV off to the Police…….. To become a sniffer dog.

The boss asked me why i was late coming into work the other day. I told him I was reading my biography during breakfast when jam dropped all over my book and my hand. It took me half an hour to sort the mess. And that’s my story and i’m sticking to it.

I love my job. I get to sleep on the minibus, than I take breaks whenever I want to drink tea and get stoned. Better than that, I do hardly any work. If only real work was as good as community service.

I was on the pull last night down the pub. Turned out to be a total failure. Probably why the landlord sacked me.

My boss asked me, “do you believe in life after death and the supernatural?” “Yes, I think so,” I replied. “I thought you would,” he said. “Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she phoned up to talk to you…”

I work in a pub, some guy asked “Whats cheap?” I simply replied…… “You”