Category: work

I decided to leave work early today, You should have seen the look on the co-pilots face when i grabbed the only parachute and jumped out of the plane.

A colleague at work told me that if I wanted swift promotion, I should “brown nose the boss.” I don’t see how farting in his face will achieve anything.

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

Took my 3 year old son into work with me at the royal mail sorting office, you should have seen him throwing parcels around, jumping up and down on them, they offered him a guaranteed job as soon as he turns 16.

How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb? 45. One to change the bulb and 44 to do the paperwork.

I felt too ill to make it to my work at the Samaritan so rang in sick to explain I couldn’t come in. They convinced me otherwise.

My idea for a new business has been a disaster. But when I think about it now, a Cash For Gold service in Australia probably wasn’t the greatest plan.

I’m going to become an astronaut. The money’s great, but the prospects are out of this world.

A very attractive young woman came up to me today and asked me to get her a drink. Then I remembered. I was serving behind the bar.

Our book-keeper comes to work dressed in a stripy suit with a check shirt and spotty tie. None of the colours complement each other. I guess there’s no accounting for taste.

This afternoon, my boss said, “As soon as you have finished doing what you are doing, you can go home.” If only he told me that this morning, I would have been home by half 9.

I’ve had to make a lot of cuts at work. I love being a surgeon.

Three kids in a playground talking about their dads and how great they are. The first one says, “My dad is the fastest man in the world, he can outrun a tiger.” The second says, “Mine can outrun a cheetah, he’s so quick.” The third is unimpressed and laughs, “Mine works for the council, so […]

I was sick of my work uniform making me look as silly as possible, so I got a new job. I left Morrisons, and started working as a clown.

I’m hired as a morale booster at work, but things aren’t going too well at the moment. The huge ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ sign outside the office door hasn’t had the desired effect…