Category: work

Someone at work has stolen my Crimestoppers promotional pen I don’t know who to ring about it!

My grandad’s been a barber for fifty years. You gotta take your hat off to him.

I think I ruined my chance to get a job at the hospital after the interview. Whenever they asked me, “If a patient was brought in here after a bad accident, and is bleeding very badly, what is the first thing you’d do?” I replied, “Faint.”

I’ve gotta say, I really enjoyed Bank Holiday Monday yesterday. Not sure if my boss did, though. He seems furious with me for some reason.

I fell asleep in work today, and my boss found me. Instead of waking me up, he put a sticky note on my chest. It read, “As long as you’re asleep, you’ve got a job. But as soon as you wake up, you’re fired!”

I left the office door open last night and my staff aren’t happy with me. I came in to a frosty reception this morning.

You know you’re lazy when you’ve been unemployed for 5 months and have only just signed on.

My son’s just come home after a tough, grueling month at a bootcamp. He didn’t realise how hard it is training to be a cobbler.

There’s a mixed-race lad at work. He only works half a day.

My wife told me today that I take everything too literally and that I need to chill out. It’s okay though, after explaining to her that I don’t take life too literally and informing her that I prefer my body temperature at a normal, working level, we resolved the conversation and I continued with my […]

My dad and I were talking yesterday about my future career. When he asked the question, “Do you know what made me want to become a doctor?” Apparently, “So you could touch little kids without getting arrested?” wasn’t the right answer.

I got thrown out of my company’s annual family picnic, because apparently there are multiple ways to interpret the term “sack race”.

The airlift to bring home customers of collapsed travel operator XL Leisure involved flying home 5,000 desperate holidaymakers from Magaluf to Liverpool. Luckily they arrived just in time to collect their JobSeekers Allowances.

My boss said, “Apparently, if you add a bit of humour to the work place, it brightens up people’s moods.” I said, “Really?” He replied, “Yeah.. Knock knock.” I said, “Who’s there?” He replied, “Not you tomorrow, you’re fired.”

Becoming a social worker is a truly beautiful and fulfilling job. I no longer need an excuse to take people’s kids away.