Category: work

Give a man a job and you have an employee. Teach a man how to shift blame and you have a manager.

I work in airport security. It seemed like a natural career path after going to boarding school.

I went for a job interview at the Foreign Office. I couldn’t understand a word anyone said.

I refuse to let my son become a mime. It’s frightening how many of them end up on the street.

Bob`s father bought him a cowboy outfit for his birthday.. That`s when he became a builder..

After 30 years of working as a plumber I started a new job today, plumbing.

A coach carrying a hundred professional stuntmen to a convention had an accident on the motorway. It crashed through the central reservation,ploughed into a juggernaut,fell thirty feet down an embankment and turned over six times before hitting a wall,bursting into flames and exploding.No one was injured.

A secretary walks into her boss’s office and says, “Can I use your Dictaphone?” He says, “No, dial with your finger like everyone else.”

I was suspended from work today after dress down thursday. That,and banned from working with any of the women I de clothed during the course of the day.

I considered quitting my job in the electronics factory today. But I have decided to solder on.

I applied for a job at a carpenter’s the other day. I had to demonstrate my skill with a piece of wood. I nailed it.

I got fired from my Life Insurance job after the first day for being inappropriately dressed. I thought I was taking the initiative by wearing a grim reaper costume.

I got sacked from my janitor job at the zoo for intimating the guests. Apparently throwing your own faeces back at the monkeys is unacceptable.

Thanks to my girlfriend I’m going hungry at work. She put a penguin in with my lunch, and it ate my tuna sandwiches.

There’s no “I” in volunteer, but there is “U”, so go ahead.