Category: work

My mate Sean is getting way too much overtime. It’s affecting his homelife something chronic. Shouting at the kids. Hitting his wife. Fights with the neighbours. He’s too knackered for any of that.

I think Andy Carroll should get a signing on fee. 85 pound every fortnight.

Mobile internet – Trebling the time of toilet breaks at work since 2004.

I made the mistake of sending the solicitor handling my divorce a Christmas Card Got a billing for 15.75 back in respect of time spent opening it and handling the paperwork.

My mate just quit his job in a brake pad factory. There was too much friction in the place.

I applied for a job at a building society today. I carefully filled in the application form and gave it to the Manager, who read through it. When he had finished reading it, he said: “With your credentials, I have the perfect opening for you” “Great” I replied. “It’s called the door” he said sternly […]

I was on Facebook and took the quiz “How black are you?”. The questions were really long and looked hard so I just left them blank because I couldn’t be borthered. I submitted it blank and guess what I am 100% black!

I used to work as a statue at the storytellers club but they told some really moving stories.

I laid such a large log this morning. My wife was impressed by its girth and smoothness. I went through so much pain and effort though. It’s tough work being a lumberjack

My boss called me into his office today and said, “I’ve just gone over your sales figures, and they’re not what I expected. You told me you could sell snow to the Eskimo’s when you applied for the job.” I said, “I can, but we don’t get many Eskimo’s coming in to buy snow in […]

I’m a voice coach for ‘town-criers’. My business is booming.

I’ve just taken up face painting. Yesterday I made a little boy look like a monkey. His parents went mental. How was I supposed to know they were having an open coffin?

I used to have a problem going off track. It doesn’t happen as often now, British rail fired me.

I got a job at my local garage changing wheels, It’s quite tiring

It feels like just yesterday when I got sacked for being useless with dates. When in fact it was two days ago.