Category: work

I phoned my boss earlier and told him I need a pay rise. Why he said Because three companies are after me I told him. Which three companies he asked Gas, electric and morgage I replied

I like what mechanics wear, overall.

Got kicked out of my job today at the local care home, Maybe telling one of the spastics not to talk to me in that tone of voice was the wrong thing to say.

I own a shop selling ‘CLOSED’ signs. We haven’t had a single customer.

I have worked at the same place for the last ten years and they’re paying me off. My boss called me in to explain that they had to do it because I lack the drive and ambition the company needs. I was furious. Is this any way to treat a three-times Employee Of The Day?

I just phoned in sick from work because I have a cold….. …case of lager in my fridge.

Had to do a team building exercise at work today. We had to pretend there were five of us stranded in a boat – each with different skills – with only enough supplies for four. We had to decide who should go over-board to ensure the survival of the remaining four. Apparently “Abdul should go […]

The boss told me I was behind on my work and needed to get my head down. So I took his advice and had a little nap.

Our boss wanted ideas on what we could do to make our business more effective. I suggested adding an additional floor, my boss told me I was ‘thinking on a different level to the other employees’.

Yay, got a job at Asda today, on the fish counters. I knew i Haddock in me….

Tip for out of work actors: Pretend you have some work, and hey presto, you’re working.

We had a meeting at work to come up with money saving ideas, I said “What about cutting out the packaging?” The boss said I was thinking outside the box

What is it about people who repair shoes that makes them so good at cutting keys?

In my job I often feel like I’m being walked all over, guess that should be expected when you work on a shop floor

Johnny was a lumberjack who’d just managed to land a high paying job out in the middle of nowhere. It was great pay, but it meant he was away from any female contact for 9 months at a time. So, after the first month, Johnny’s starting to get restless, and goes to one of the […]