Category: work

I start my new job as a forklift driver today. I’ve no experience, but I’ll be OK… …I pick things up quickly.

I got sacked from the Performing Arts School where I worked. Turns out they weren’t fans of A Fiddler on the Roof.

This hot girl from work phoned me earlier today saying ‘Look, i dont want to jump to conclusions but it feels like you are stalking me… so can i talk to you about it when we get into work?’ I think she has a thing for me to be honest, after all she phoned me […]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock […]

I got done for theft at my job interview the other day. Well, he did tell me to take a seat.

My friend wants to be a bin man when he’s older. He’s got rubbish aspirations.

I’m always being asked “Do you work here?” in Homebase. It’s getting so annoying that I might just quit.

One of my employees asked me, “What do I enter to get an outside line?” “6517,” I replied. “Nope, that doesn’t work,” he said. “That’s the code to get out of the building. There’s a phone box across the road.”

Yesterday was national walk to work day. Much to the annoyance of the deep sea fishermen.

My boss phoned me today. He said, “Is everything okay at the office?” I said, “Yes, it’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day, I haven’t stopped.” “Can you do me a favour?” he asked. I said, “Of course, what is it?” He said, “Hurry up and take your shot, I’m behind you […]

I can’t believe I was late for work tomorrow.

My jobs a bit up and down. I’m a Lift Attendant.

What do you call a black man who works in an office? No, seriously, we need a nickname for the new guy at work, and “The chocolate man” is a bit racist.

I said to my boss this morning, “sorry I’m late, there was a big pile-up on the Highway 61.” He replied, “But that’s thousands of miles away in America.” “I know, I was watching it on the news.”

I used to work for NHS Direct until I was sacked. Apparently, telling someone with high blood pressure to cut themselves and let a bit out, isn’t the correct way to treat the condition.