Category: work

Got sacked today on my first day as a horse racing commentator. Curse you, Fig Plucker and Pheasant Plucker.

I’ve just been sacked from my job for falling asleep. I protested that a lot of people fall asleep on the job and it’s no big deal. They said if I worked in an office it wouldn’t be an issue but when I’m driving a train it’s pretty serious.

My mate wasn’t paying attention at work and ended up getting himself fired I guess that’s a risk you take working in a ceramics factory.

I’m taking my boss to court. I’m his chauffeur.

I told my careers advisor, that as a keen traveller, I’d like something that would involve spending a lot of time on the road. I’m now a lollipop man.

The new ‘Dark’ Mars bar; I tried one but then found I could only rest and play…..

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

“I applied for a job at a sun-cream factory,” I told my mate. “What happened?” he asked. “Didnt get it.” “What are you going to do?” “Re-apply,” I said.

Do you want to live the high life? Become a crane operator.

I wasn’t happy with my model girlfriend. She didn’t come with instructions.

I was given a disciplinary regarding my poor attendance at work. Unfortunately I couldn’t make it.

So Carlos Tevez refused to get off the bench against Bayern Munich. Big deal! I don’t understand what the fuss is all about. I mean, it’s not like he’s the first person from Manchester whose refused to work.

I went on a staff training course last week. Mine failed so he’s still only a stick.

Got a new job at Mcdonalds the other day. It’s hard work and the hours are long the pay isn’t much better either, but i’m being paid for doing what i love most. Spitting in peoples burgers and spreading the joy of AIDS.

Sun .. Sand .. Water… We need workers for a construction site!