Category: work

I just sat and relaxed by the fire today instead of working. Although my fire station colleagues would have appreciated some help with the putting it out.

My wife loves to go on top. However, in light of certain recent events, I’ve told her it’s probably best to travel to work inside the train from now on.

At the moment work is hard to find, so I’ve been going through a dry period. Although picking congealed blood off my wife’s sanitary towel isn’t going to solve the problem.

“Smith! You should have been in work at half past 8!” “Why? What happened?”.

I had to sack one of my employees today when he phoned to say he couldn’t come in. I would’ve understood if he’d said it was due to the weather. But no way am I buying this, “My wife died last night.” nonsense.

Confuse German barstaff by asking for a lager in English, but saying please in German.

I could never work in the Jobcentre. Imagine if you got fired! You’d still have to show up the next day…

Was steaming at work today, almost got the sack… Apparently the wallpaper was suppose to stay

I recently went for a job slaughtering pigs. Unfortunatly i didn’t make the cut.

Being a prison guard has to be the easiest job ever. I mean, who’s going to steal a prison?

I’m ready for work at five every morning. All I need now is a job.

There was a flood today at work. Water catastrophe.

On my first day as a human cannonball my boss said, “I’m going to have to let you go.” “You can’t fire me,” I replied. “That’s exactly why I’m letting you go,” he said.

The other day I was in the process of buying a pair of nike shoes, when a man came upto me and said: “Are you sure you want to buy a product that a small indian child was forced to make for the equivalent of 5p?” I replied: “Somebody has to employ them.”

I just finished my work in Africa helping carry full water containers on my head, that’s a weight off my mind.