Category: work

The reason bones work? They’re white.

Archaeologists have discovered a toilet which they believe to be constructed between 700 and 600 BC. Even back then plumbers took their time.

I was given the wrong type of ladder to use at work. I fell and broke both my hands and feet. I was awarded useless clown of the year award by the lads at work.

A word to retired people: When you go back to your old place of work and people say, “What a surprise!” they don’t mean they’re pleased to see you, they mean they’re surprised you’re not dead yet.

Construction worker “killed by a block of concrete that dropped from a crane.” This wouldn’t have happened if he was wearing his hard hat and high-visibility vest.

My memory has become so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

My new job as a paramedic is excellent. The pay isn’t great mind you, so I make a little cash on the side by selling the unneeded phones to mazumamobile.com

There’s something about the new girl in my sales team that I can’t quite put my finger on. Well not without another tribunal to answer to anyway.

I arrived at work this morning to be met by my boss who said he would really like to see me. I said “I’m really flattered, but sorry, I’m straight.”

I used to have a job at a stationary firm, but i resigned…. …as i felt it wasn’t going anywhere…

Tired of being ignored by the staff in B&Q? Simply put a pencil behind your ear and they’ll rush over to help the ‘professional builder’.

Once you go black, you never go back…. to work.

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

It’s amazing the amount of poles I work with & I can’t stand them. Thinking about it, maybe the scaffolding business isn’t for me after all.

I was talking to this guy in a pub and he told me he worked as a debt collector. “That probably doesn’t make you very popular,” I said. “Quite the opposite,” he said. “Most people I visit ask me to come back another time.”