Category: work

What’s the worst thing about your work’s xmas party?? Looking for another job the next day

My boss sat me down in his office this morning and said he was gonna have to let me go. It took six police marksmen and a hostage negotiator, but we got there in the end.

I saw a sign today which said “Free Cash Withdrawls” I thought, those are what you go through when coming off the dole, right?

My boss: “How are you today?” Me: “Fine thanks, how are you?” My boss: “You know it’s so lovely to be asked how I’m doing, everyone just seems to be getting on with their own thing without really paying much attention to anyone else. I have no idea why I get asked so infrequently” Me: […]

I gave up my job making stationary equipment, the work wasn’t going anywhere.

I had to shut down my brothel. The customers just stopped coming.

I went for a job interview today. The bloke said, “where do you see yourself in ten years’ time?” I said, “same as now – in photos and mirrors”.

When people as me what I do for a living I tell them I’m a paramedic It’s a lot like a normal medic but I’m really concious of what people think about it

I never query plumbers that are working in my house as I don’t want them to charge even more money. Luckily, I don’t speak Polish anyway.

My boss texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes Pete.” I replied, “I’m working at the moment, I will send you one later.” He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one.”

I have started to walk around the city centre in a suit, so people think I actually have a job

I went for a job start interview at the Job Centre today. I was asked, “What have you taken from your previous job which you could give to a future employer?” Apparently, three grands worth of Stolen office equipment wasn’t the kind of answer he was looking for.

I always like to go for a dump when I’m at work: partly because it’s the most satisfying and productive thing I do all day, and partly because it’s the one thing that I can guarantee won’t come back so I’ll have to do it again.

I’ve just been fired from my job as a Sinatra lookalike…….. Just not good enough, to be Frank

I recently took part in an advert for antiperspirant. Easiest job I’ve ever had. It was no sweat.