Category: work

I lost my job today. Apparently telling my boss that it was ‘my time of the month’ and that i was ‘manstruating’ wasn’t the best excuse i could have come up with.

Unemployment’s getting more than a joke here in the UK, I can spend all day working as hard as I can trying to get a decent job and still no-one’s hiring me on football-manager

I just got a job as the handyman at the local sperm bank.

Just seen that Syed from Eastenders real name is Marc Elliott..must be a carry over from the call centre he used to work at in Bombay before he was an actor.

You know you’re on shaky ground when your new Employee ID badge is a Post-It note.

I’ve got a job as a cleaner in a clock shop. I have to keep the toilets clean, the kitchen clean, and change the sandpaper in the cuckoo clocks every day.

The pen is mightier than the sword. This is why I choose to work for Staples instead of becoming a Ninja.

I use to work at a tea shop, but I quit because I felt there was something brewing.

As an pet shop owner I find that the current job market means that I’m innundated with CVs whenever I put a job advert in the Job Centre. I don’t actually have any jobs available but I’ve really saved money on cat litter.

I did try to make it in the topiary industry I just couldn’t cut it.

“Congratulations, you’ve got the job,” said my new boss. “Hold your horses,” I replied. “I’d like it written into my contract that I get Bank Holidays off.” He laughed, and with a wink said, “I’m sure we can sort something out.” “That was easy,” I thought, as I walked out with a smug smile on […]

Im going to start my own guttering business, at the moment its just a pipe dream.

A guy at work asked, “Do you watch the Apprentice?” I said, “Thank god, I’m not the only one, I actually found myself sneaking in to watch her on the toilet last week.” I’m off down the job centre in the morning.

I went to a job interview the other day, the lady said she wanted to ask me a few questions, Lady – “Question one, do you suffer from black outs?” Me – “Not that I know of” Lady – “and finally question ten”

My boss just called me into his office and said I need to do more work instead of chewing the fat, or big sandra as everyone else calls her.