Category: work

I got fired from my job as the local gynaecologist the other day. I guess I didn’t pull my finger out.

An annoying work colleague told me today she was “like a ray of sunshine.” So I asked her if that was why she caused redness, irritation and a feeling of premature ageing.

I asked the barber if he could do my hair in 2 minutes. He said “Of course! I know a short cut”

I’ve just received my first salary payment from my new job at the toilet cistern manufacturer. I’m feeling rather flush at the moment.

I got fired in my first day as a taxi driver today. Apparently “Go to wheelchair-bound Mrs Smith’s house and take her up the bingo” doesn’t mean what I thought it did.

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

The big boss came into the office today and he said my department was childish. He said something else as well but we didn’t hear that because we ran away from him.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Am I the only one who secretly relishes being ill at home so I can see what I look like with a moustache?

I just seen a job advertised on the directgov website -PIPE FITTERS MATE I’m gonna go for it, one of my mates is a pipe fitter.

Apparently I snore so loud that it actually scares people. Well that’s what the management at Easyjet said before they fired me.

I’ve landed a job talking to oriental immigrants about their future employment prospects. I’m a Korea Advisor.

Despite doing ten to the dozen every day at work,I still ended up losing my job. Quite a few of the bakerys we supply too had been complaining about being short changed.

I saw a woman lying unconscious in the High Street today. People were just walking past and ignoring her. My mate asked, “Why has no-one stopped to help her? It’s disgusting.” I said, “Well that’s society today, I’m afraid. Poor woman, people just don’t care any more… Anyway, fancy something to eat… Stick the sirens […]

Save money on petrol by quitting your job.