Category: work

My boss said “You’ve messed up for the last time. I’ll have your job for this.”. I said “Cool, can I have yours?”

I walked out on my job at the council this morning. I don’t mind a bit of gardening, I can even manage some litter picking, but road marking… That’s where I draw the line.

It’s always good to find out you’re going to be working from home, unless you’re a fireman.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you are finished.

The plumber called me this morning and said he couldn’t finish fitting my boiler as he had the flu. I asked, “but isn’t that the only bit you need?”

I recently got sacked from my job making doors. I just couldn’t handle it.

As a manager, I tell all my employees to go the extra mile when they are working. They aren’t doing a good job though, already my taxi company has had over 300 complaints.

I love work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours…

One of my previous Bosses used to look at a pile of CVs , pick half of it up at random and throw it straight in the bin, saying “I don’t want to work with unlucky people.”

My mate said he had a new job at a Bowling Alley. I said, “Ten Pin?” He replied, “No – it’s permanent.”

I’ve just walked past Macdonalds and there’s a queue from the managers office, all the way up the high street. ! Then i realised… Its A Level results day.

I work for a company that makes “Back in 10 minutes” signs. We don’t get many visitors.

Ever been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk? I hope so because thats the only excuse I have for being drunk at work.

I got sick of my boss’s always saying, “Hey, we don’t pay you to sit there all day chatting.” So now I work in a call centre.

Is there a lack of jobs in britain? Lets see what the poles have to say…