Category: work

I hate having to go down to the Jobcentre- I’m surrounded by people who are lazy, have no skills, stink of booze and are content to live off the taxpayers teat. And then we have to open up and deal with all the unemployed people.

Im a professional bee keeper…. I do it for the Buzz.

Reasons why you should be allowed to get drunk at work: 1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what […]

Handy tip: Start funny office rumours and increase your promotion chances, by constantly sneaking into the womens toilets after your female boss has been in, and putting the toilet seats up!

BBC News “Highland Toffee firm goes under” That’s hard to swallow

That’s the last time I ever hire a black kid for my business. He strutted in this morning on his first day and I asked him “So, have you got a P45 with you?” “Nah, blud!” He replied, “I carry a .9mm.”

I was cross dressing this morning, not only had I overslept, there was no hot water and we’d run out of milk….

I applied for a job as a builder. At the interview, the employer said, “Here, you will have to fill this out before you can work for us.” He then handed me over a shirt.

I work in an electronics component factory and yesterday I had to ban all the woman from wearing bras with under-wires. I don’t work in health and safety, I’m just a perv.

I went into work today and asked for a pay rise,and my boss said yeah – I was astounded that he would be so understanding. Until he took out a gun, shot me in the knee, and gave me a benefits claim form.

If you want to make money, be a plumber! My Uncles are plumbers, and they’re so successful they can afford to spend all day with their mates. Racing their karts around their little race track.

I’m starting to get annoyed with my boss, he keeps asking me to give him a hand for a minute or sometimes even an hour. I’m thinking about quitting work at the watch repair shop.

I told my boss I couldn’t make it to work because of the weather today. “But it’s sunny outside,” he said. “Exactly,” I replied, cracking open a beer.

Even in these uncertain economic times, my taxi business is picking up. And dropping off.

I always get the silent treatment when I come in drunk. Which helps make my day at work go so much faster.