Category: work

I was at a job interview last week when I was asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years time?” I don’t think, “About halfway through my 10 year plan,” was the answer he was expecting…

I’ve been trying to get promoted at work for ages now. Killing the boss at the end of the level clearly doesn’t work in real life.

My old man always said, the day I can’t do my job drunk is the day I turn in my badge and gun.

I got really absorbed in my work the other day. Too bad I’m studying the flesh eating virus.

CNN.com International News: “Mexico police chief’s status in question”. It really does wind me up when employers take Facebook so seriously.

I rang my boss this morning. I said, “I’m not going to be in today” He said, “Why not?” I said, “Because I’ll be at work with you obviously”

Everytime Garth Crooks pops up on Match of the Day I can’t help but think “maybe it’s a good thing more black people don’t have jobs”.

I just got the call telling me that I failed my Electrician’s exam. I nearly died of shock.

“Hi love, sorry i’m late home. I ended up playing around with someone from work”. “You………you played golf.” She asked as she laughed. “Don’t be childish, we were playing soldiers in the car park and lost track of time.”

I wait for no man… Which is why I was fired from my job as a bus driver.

I got asked today, “How long have you actually worked here?” I replied, “Since they threatened to sack me.”

I called in sick this morning: “I’m really sorry, feel really unwell, bad cough, lots of phlegm, think the cold got to me last night. Man down, man down!! Sorry, yeah, couple of days at least. Cover me!” I don’t know why they were so suspicious.

Job : A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired, while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting…..

I made an unfortunate typo in my written application for a raise from my black boss. Sadly, I didn’t get any extra monkey.

Some people say that Jobseekers are just lazy but when I handed out application forms out down the Cardiff Job Centre every single one was filled in and returned to me within 2 days. Of course we can’t offer every applicant the chance to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show.