Category: work

Never drink coffee in the middle of the day at work I tried it once and it kept me awake all afternoon!

I’ve quit my new job as a postman. They handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: “This isn’t for me.”

I handed in a resignation letter at work today. I can’t wait to see my mate Dave’s face when he finds out he’s resigned!

My first day as an auctioneer went very well. I sold lots.

My local job centre is rubbish. They asked me if I had any specific skills. “Yes, I worked as a joiner for 8 years and as a butcher for 10 years” I said. I start at Cow and Gate on Monday.

I love being a fireman, Yesterday I used “The Jaws of Life” I took them home to prise my wife’s legs apart.

My boss came up to me at work today and said “Dave i’m not sure this company could survive without you, but as from monday we are going find out.”.

I hate working on the design project for the new motorway. Everyone in the office is ignoring me. I think they’ve given me the hard shoulder.

As if my job as a zookeeper wasn’t stressful enough, Now the Emperor Penguins are trying to turn me to the dark side!

I was looking for a new employee at the workplace. So I interviewed this very attractive woman. I said, “So what salary are you expecting?” She said, “10,000.” I was surprised and said, “My pleasure.” She then said, “For your pleasure it’s 25,000.”

I was talking with all the grunts in the army when a sergeant major came up asking what we were discussing. I replied “Excuse me but this is a private conversation.”

If tennis players get ‘Tennis elbow’ and squash players get ‘Squash Knees’, do gynecologists get ‘Tunnel Vision?’

As long as my boss wants to pretend that I get paid well, I’ll keep pretending to work.

In my chosen career, I get to travel a lot. It sounds a lot better than saying its quite a walk to the job centre from my house.

As a surprise, a chief executive’s wife decides to pop by his office. She finds her husband in an unorthodox position, with his attractive secretary sitting in his lap. He immediately spots her and, without hesitation, starts dictating: “And in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office […]