Category: work

My work colleagues organised a big farewell party for me today. I was shocked. I didn’t even know I’d been fired.

What a terrible morning at work. I had to do some.

I’m going out on the pull tonight. Just started my own rickshaw business.

Boasting about having 5 stars on your employee badge at McDonald’s, is like boasting about having trainers with laces instead of Velcro.

Talking to the manager yesterday, I said, “Boss, I’d like a day off for my mother-in-law’s funeral.” “So would I,” he said, “but the old cow isn’t even ill.”

What is the easiest job in the world? A midget career advisor.

I got my paedophile licence yesterday. Or ‘Qualified to Teach Status’ as the university called it.

I hate having to fill in the ‘Hobbies’ section on my CV. It makes me sound like a 12 year old boy. I think it’s stopping me getting a job. “What would you describe as your hobbies and interests?” Football Movies 12 year old girls

“I sometimes hold back a fart incase it’s actually a poo.” I said to the man talking to me. “Sorry, Jon” said the interviewer, “I’m afraid you don’t qualify for danger pay.”

I have a sign in the window at work that says, “No more than two school kids at a time” Which was why I lost my job as a teacher.

After 8 years of working hard for the same company, I’m now on more money and I work less hours! Or, “claiming benefits” as some people call it.

Anyone else asked the boss to come in to work early so in return you can leave early to watch the England match? Me too…. its just a coincidence that its the perfect time to get home to watch all the kids leaving school.

I’ve just got a new job collecting rubbish from the local area. I burgle charity shops.

I see Warrington are kicking off “Jobs For Whites”. I don’t really see it catching on in Bradford somehow.

Funny how you never hear these women who want equal pay and equality talking about retirement age isn’t it?