Category: work

It’s amazing how many people are called Sarah Connor. It makes my job as a debt-collector much more fun.

I have concluded that zebras are black with white stripes. Why? When was the last time you saw a zebra with a job?

I love working as a bouncer. I’m quality control at the local bra factory.

Everyone lies on their CV and at job interviews. For instance, at an interview today, I told the bloke I was an adrenaline junkie. In reality, I’m just a heroin addict who uses dirty needles.

It’s a shame that Clinton’s could be losing 8,000 members of staff as in a few months there’s expected to be 8,000 people receiving ‘Congratulations on your new job’ cards

I got the sack from a kids mask factory the other day. I just sat around, making faces.

Since I started working from home … I have never missed a day

I have the most depressing job in the world. Writing the horoscopes in the Big Issue

I don’t mean to sound big headed but I’m pretty sure my boss hired me for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.

Statistic’s show that 1 in 5 people lie in the workplace, although in the telemarketing sector it rises to 5 in 5.

This morning some salesman saw me lying on the bed and went”Sir that one looks really comfortable but have you tried the new Seally Posturepedic Super comfort matress yet?” I went,”I can tell you sales people are very desperate in these hard times.” He went,”Why,is it because of my sales pitch?” I went,”No mate,it’s because […]

I got run over by a fork-lift truck at the factory I work in. What I don’t understand is how he got it up 2 flights of stairs to my wages department.

When I’m around my wife’s family, it is like being in The Wizard of Oz. Her dad doesn’t have a heart, her mum doesn’t have a brain and I don’t have the courage to kill them.

I’ve told my new girlfriend that I work I’m a cryogenic engineer. I think it sounds more exotic than, “I stock the freezers at Asda.”

I’m very displeased with the terms under which my job at the cannon factory ended… They fired me.