Category: wordplay

Honestly Leeds, I’ve seen better crosses in a mosque.

I wrote a very threatening letter to the council, stamped it and sent it off. But the police traced it back to my house because of the footprint on the envelope.

It’s cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesize with him.

I went to see a ‘Catwalk’ in Paris because i heard its entertaining. What a waste of time, they walk like any other cat i’ve seen.

Heard that one of the German national football squad was having trouble falling asleep on long-haul flights, so being the generous lad that I am I sent him an inflatable neck-rest. I included a note. It read- ”To Klose; for comfort”

Zombies like open-minded people.

I love to sneak around my estate at night. I take my Two Million Candlelight Torch, I then wait and jump out on coppers. I’m a right bobby dazzler!

Shakespeare’s philosophy; work right, play wright.

People are always having a go at black people, but they do have their benefits. And some are on disability too.

After she caught me cheating on her for the second time, my wife demanded that I have more self-control. So I put her in a head-lock.

My nitrous oxide-infused beer was announced with a big brouhaha.

I was in a club last night when I started speaking to a beautiful young lady who unfortunately happened to be in a wheelchair. After an hour or so of chatting, I plucked up the courage to ask for her phone number. I’ve just tried to ring her, but I couldn’t get through though, Must […]

Normal Ovations? I won’t stand for them.

My girlfriend has been blowing me off for some other guy lately… I don’t even know why we let him watch.

I told the waitress in Starbucks that my coffee tasted like mud. She said, “It’s because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.”