Category: wordplay

I hate my job as a fish monger. The plaice stinks.

Booed BB Nadia in suicide bid. can i stick 10 on that then please.

I’ve finally got a date for my wedding. Hope my bride is up for a threesome.

Sit-coms are for comedians who are too lazy to standup.

I named my dumbells Sainsburys and Morrisons. I’m a shoplifter

My girlfriend was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure. It doesn’t seem to have worked though. She’s expecting a baby in the spring.

I joined the National Trust last week. Now I believe everyone I meet.

I was on a hunting trip in North America once with a few mates. We saw a sign on the road that said “BEAR LEFT” So we went home.

I can already see it coming: First they’ll start letting people clone their family pets, then some owners will be unhappy with the results, and the next thing you know, we’ll have a bunch of copycat killings.

Got myself a very obedient equestrian horse. Just goes to show…

The section of the abattoir where i worked had to close down. It was gutting.

I can remember after school every day at around 5pm I’d be upstairs when my dad would shout to me “Son, come for your dinner!” It was disgusting but at least it kept my protein levels up.

Does anybody else have severe muscle pain and mental exhaustion, or is it just ME.

I remember as a kid I got Chlamydia, Pneumonia and Syphilis. Needless to say, I came last at the Spelling Bee.

I was walking through town the other day when I saw a huge spray painted message on a wall saying: “What force keeps all people and objects attracted to earth?” It’s graffiti.