Category: wordplay

I bought a fan belt today. It keeps the top of my trousers cool.

I’m addicted to the internet game Tetris, and it’s seriously getting out of control. All I can think of is where my next line is coming from.

A Man, a woman and a Sheep, Pig and a Cow. Would this be a menagerie a trois?

Whilst going up in a lift today, I asked the attendant why it literally took seconds to get past the first few floors, yet one of the floors took well over five minutes, even though we were doing the same speed. “It’s a bit of a long story that one”, he replied.

My wife made a lovely meal last night. Although she’s starting to repeat on me a bit now.

My Grandma never believed Granddad when he said he felt ill. She said, “It’s all in your mind”. Which made it funny when he died from a brain tumour.

Driving through town today, my mate said “10 points if you hit the Paki”. I hit him so well that the police gave me 12 points and a fine. I don’t know what you need to do to get an excellent.

Where did Saddam Hussein keep his cds? In Iraq.

My dwarf friend approached me today, and asked me why I’d been insulting him behind his back. I said, “Look, mate, I’m going to level with you.” And got down on my knees.

I saw a headline in my local sports paper that said “Time travelling cricket player reaches 23rd century”

I don`t know why French people eat horse meat… …It gives me the trots.

Harry Coover, the inventor of SuperGlue died today. Apparently the funeral will a huge affair as he bonded with many people. I just hope they all adhere to the dress code, and no one wears anything tacky.

Do dyslexic Yorkshiremen wear catflaps?

My wife was holding our baby son in his blanket when he suddenly got sick all over it. ‘Ugh disgusting,’ I said ‘we’ll have to get a new one now.’ ‘Where will we get it?’ she replied ‘Hmmm…Down in the orphanage I suppose?’

I’ve had to adjust my dog’s collar three times now, he won’t stop fidgeting… I’m beginning to think he doesn’t like this new polo shirt.