Category: wordplay

A guy walks up to a girl in a bar: -“Please allow me to introduce myself… John Snow! Whats your name gorgeous?” -“Summer” -“How would you like to be on the front cover of tomorrows paper?” -“How would that happen?” -“I can already see the headlines… ’10 inches of Snow in Summer’”

My mates taking part in a spontaneous combustion contest. I think he’ll win, he’s on fire at the moment.

Never leave your pet in a stolen vehicle, remember, dogs die in hot cars.

BBC News : ‘Dutch cabinet falls in Afghan row’ I’ve always said Dutch furniture is never reliable, especially when you’ve got two Afghans paddling away.

I have a thing for ginger girls… My shotgun.

I’ve just got my first big acting break in a play about Neurosurgery. I’m a bundle of nerves.

Eyewitnesses said that they could hear the cries of terror as Sean Kingston headed for the bridge. They added that this was the first time they had ever heard a bridge speak.

I’ve been developing a photographic memory.

It’s taken almost six week, but I’ve finally sold my wife on Gumtree.com. Although she’s not quite willing to delete her eBay account just yet.

According to the police, Despite being called “Firework night”, setting fire to my office is still illegal.

The reason that the BNP never do well in their survey’s and audits is because they hate Polls.

If there’s one thing I know, I really should learn more things.

I’ve never been on a date before. But I did once come in a watermelon.

Chelsea star, Florent Malouda, has been quoted as saying that blacks and whites are perfectly equal and that blacks are not to blame for the London riots. Typical beliefs for a left-winger really.

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she’s obsessed with Twilight. Fed up of her waking me up just before dawn to look at nothing.