Category: wordplay

For what I lack in beauty, I make-up

I’m not really interested in tobogganing, but I would probably do it if pushed.

I’ve made more people stand up and leave a cinema than any other person. I write the credits.

No point praying for a medal. God always tells you to come forth.

Coming out the shed holding the rackets I said “Who’s up for a game of Badminton?” “What about a net?” the Wife shouted, “She can play the winner” I said.

I start my job at a restaurant tomorrow. I can’t wait.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned.

Weston-Super-Mare has announced two new twin towns. Burnham-on-Sea and Chard.

I saw a shooting star the other day…turns out its quite easy. Just go to a rap concert and pull a white hoodie on.

Last night I went to a fancy dress where we had to show up in trousers that were too long. Everyone turned up.

I got mugged the other day, it’s a hard life being a tea bag

I constantly stalk women that wear perfume. That’s Obsession for you.

The woman next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom . How she got her car in there I’ll never know.

I just installed one of those ‘Clappers’ to my living room lights, was showing them off to a couple of my musician friends last night, they loved taking it in turns… John clapped off and Eric Clapton

I started work today designing cul-de-sacs. I know it’s a dead end job.