Category: wordplay

I performed stand up to an audience of ghosts. They wouldn’t stop booing.

I used the cheesiest chat-up line on a girl the other day. “You can sample some of my fromage”

The burning question… Am I on fire?

My girlfriend is worried that when we get married she has to change her surname from Bell to Smith. Apparently Smith doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I was going to write a joke about women, but I didn’t get a chance to finish it.

Finally got head off the wife yesterday. I knew one swing of the axe would do it.

Who’s that gorgeous girl? — Her? She changes her boyfriend almost every day! Oh! Gets around a bit, does she? — No. He’s incontinent.

My wife has attempted suicide three times this year. She’s just not getting the hang of it.

My boss fired me for complaining about the office escalator, It didn’t go down well.

A girl came into the library and asked for the new ‘Twilight’ book, I nearly threw a good book at her, but I didn’t want to catch’er in the eye.

I always struggle to put into words how articulate I am.

“I am woman, hear me roar!” “Yes darling, your new vacuum cleaner is lovely.”

OCD sufferers. Their days are numbered.

At the last election, I voted BNP by mistake when I really wanted to vote for the Liberal Democrats. I really am useless, I can’t tell my left from my right.

How do Geordies listen to music? On a Why iPod