Category: wordplay

I used to be a heroin addict until I started cutting my gear with washing powder. Ive been clean ever since.

I damaged my car by going too fast over one of those sleeping policeman. But it was nothing compared to the state of him.

The other day, my girlfriend said to me “I’ve never heard anyone call me fat.” I replied “You mastodon.”

I applied for a job in Australia I think I have the necessary koalafications.

I was eating Walkers crisps today. He punched me and took them back.

The wife asked me to sync her new iPhone earlier……… It’s been in the bath for 4 hours now and still nothing has happened!

My local barbers is offering a shave with a hot towel. Can’t help thinking a razor would be more effective.

I asked my friend why R.E.M split up. He said the other band member’s weren’t Michael’s type.

I’m very familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.

Did you hear about the middle-eastern sprinter? Iran

I’m out of work at the moment so on Monday I sat around and watched neighbors. On tuesday I sat and watched neighbors again. On Wednesday the Police came and took away my binoculars and night vision goggles.

My son was run over by a steamroller, and has been a poster child for the importance of road safety ever since.

It was a busy night at the Bulimic support clinic. The place was heaving.

At the end of my first week in the Navy, I got my first taste of the Officers’ Mess. I’ll have to try harder next time we play Soggy Biscuit.

A man walks into a bar wearing a tie fastener. The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t like your tie-pin here.”