Category: wordplay

I don’t think there will ever be an edible version of scrabble. Having said that, someone will probably go away now and make me eat my words.

I was walking out of the local Newsagents this morning when something fell from the wall and knocked me out cold. Must be some kind of sign.

I refuse to work in a coal mine… It’s beneath me.

If a girl is on her period, it lends a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘blood, sweat and tears’.

My next songs gonna be a big hit in the clubs, its all about swing… Its called pitching wedge

I went to the tobacconist at the end of the cul-de-sac. But he wasn’t open. Close but no cigar.

I went to see a bloke about buying a car today. The price was too high, but I managed to knock him down. Then I just drove off in it.

Job Application: Describe yourself. An informal Noun, 2 syllables.

The naturists down our street had a huge Halloween party last night. A frightening affair with ghoulies everywhere!

I cooked for ages yesterday and made thirty very small dinners. I’m going to make a TV series called 30 Minute Meals.

I’m a male model. I have a face like an envelope.

I have some great news, i have finally finished my project of the last 10 years. I decided to change everything about myself,I got a new head, body etc. It was worth all the hard work. I’m Made up.

BBC News – “Cuts will hit the poor hardest”. Why? Can’t they even afford plasters?

I just blew a speaker in my car! That might seem a little extreme, but he really did give an excellent presentation.

Commentator (Andy Townsend): ” he’s given the square ball away.” That would be a cube Andy.