Category: wordplay

“Do you come here often?” asked the woman in the sperm clinic.

I had to tell my wife i ran over next doors cat earlier and felt guilty as they were having dinner with us. ”What if they find out?” she asked. ”They wont im sure of it” ”how are you certain?” ‘The proof is in the pudding”

I took part in a cannibal cookery contest yestery and was trouncing the opposition. In fact, I was steaming a head.

I’m a getaway driver. I drive the coach to the airport.

I’ve just clipped a parrots wing. I’m not bothered though, I got his autograph when exchanging insurance details.

Petshops – Can you return a carrier pigeon?

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s unicycles

Undercover boss: So you’re a pimp then?

I like to tell people i’m a big shot and that i’ve got my own private jet. What i don’t tell them is that my mum owns the rest of the hot tub.

If Akmal Shaikh ‘died a hero’, does that make his wife a Heroine?

Show me on this paradigm where the meaning escaped you.

What do you call seafood in a cement mixer? Hardcore Prawn

Hair found at crime scenes often lead to dead ends.

Police were called to Carrow Road late on Friday night. They have arrested Delia Smith for firing a Gunn Randomly

I was at the herb shop looking for some weed. Wrong place, wrong thyme.